Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Number Eighty

I've tried to refrain from divulging too much information about my undergarments and lingerie but I must express my frustration (I say that hesitantly) fantasy and humor about Number Eighty - Spanx.  Let's start with fantasy. What could make a woman more excited than a romantic evening with their significant other, a Hermes handbag, or a trip to Paris?  I'll tell you.  The fantasy that you could eat what you wanted and then put on a pair of underwear that hides all of your overindulgence's.  I believed in that fantasy like young children believe in Santa Claus.  I believed in it so much I actually went out and paid $54 for a pair of Spanx.  (Okay, they are "knock-off" Spanx, but the principle is the same.)  Here's where the fantasy goes to hell in a hand basket and the frustration sets in...Spanx (or their look alike) roll down when you sit down and all your dirty little secrets roll out (pun intended) and there you have the humor.  What else can you do but laugh?

I'm fairly certain that Spanx do work but you basically need a full body version.  (I actually think they make something that falls into that category.)  I'm pretty sure that putting that on would conjure up the memories and gyrations of laying down on the bed to fit into a pair of 29" 501 Levi's (don't act like you've never done that).  Those days are over for me.

Okay, I own and wear shape wear - when it's appropriate.  While I have not had luck with Spanx specifically, I won't give up on finding the perfect "foundational" undergarments that can help a body with a few imperfections and perfections (some people actually like a little butter on their toast).  If it's good enough for likes of Gwenyth Paltrow and Oprah and can be recommended by Nina, then I think I should find the right pair of Spanx for me.

Number Eighty - Spanx. Twenty-seven down, seventy-three to go.

P.S. - If you want to see something really funny about Spanx and Esther watch Wanda Sykes' latest stand-up on HBO.